Still here…

.… barely…

I’m so terrible at this, blogging that is. I honestly cannot keep up. The stupid thing is that I’ve a lot to say, just not enough time in the day to put pen to paper. And when I try to do a recap once in a while, a severe case of writers block envelopes me.

A quick glimpse at life in the last 2.5 months looks like this:

1. Didn’t do anything between jobs because a friend who was supposed to go with me cracked a hip – literally.

2. Training with new job was intensive and stressful!!! I almost cried at one point because there was so much to do, the commuting was killing me as the old office was almost 1.5hrs away from home on good days and 2hrs or more on bad days when London transport was doing what it does best – causing delays to poor city workers.

3. Went to France as a treat for my hard work. Stayed in a massive and slightly eerie chateau in the middle of nowhere (click here for pic), sleeping here (the most comfy bed I had ever slept in), running wild here and eating a lot of this.

4. Had a graduation gala at the end of training with a ‘who wants to be a millionaire’ themed presentation by the trainees (us) which was a super hit with the rest of the company. I almost like presentations now and can turn even boring subjects into something interesting – with creative power point slides.

5. Work is great. Anything would be great after that training from hell.

Other than that, they say the two most essential ingredients of a successful relationship are communication and honesty. I am missing all of the former and some of the latter in mine lately. In fact, I’m starting to think it’s an impossible task to have neither of your work or your relationships stressing you. It’s always one or the other, and they exchange places on a six weekly basis. Does anyone else experience this weird pattern?

*FOC is hoping for synchronized nodding and ‘oh you poor thing’*

p.s. There you go Native

Back In Town But Not Without Candy….

It’s been a while since I last wrote something in here. Little has changed in life, but a significant bit.

You probably noticed me trying to move to WordPress except I never really felt ‘right’ in any of those templates. I couldn’t also figure out how to work the widgets. It proved quite perplexing for even a tech-intuitive like me. Anyway, that ship has been abandoned. I hope you guys like this template, somehow the title doesn’t seem fitting but I’ll change it as soon as I find one that is. I think I’ve bloomed, so that needs to be relegated to the back pages of my her-story.

While I’m on the subject of unmanageable templates, I’ve stumbled upon a good site with easy to implement Blogger templates. So feel free to use them if you like. I think this one is very fitting for Ihsaan and this is in tune with Aya’s current journey.

Work

I’ve been at my current job for four months and that’s all the time I can hack at something so lacking in creativity. The novelty of a new job and learning it has worn off, although being able to pay off debts I’ve accumulated over a 5 month period after school in three months was certainly a feat, one that I’m very proud of and made my job very rewarding in its own league. I’ve been feeling the need to move on for about a month and my team leader having sensed the lack of interest (and me being occasionally vocal about it), had offered me an opportunity to work and train with another team for 30% of the time.

Still, I longed to find a more suitable and much more progressive role, where I had direction (something very essential when you’re a fresh graduate) and could see how things would progress. See, its easy for me to persevere through a tedious job/study if I know I’ll be rewarded and that it will lead to something better, greater. But if I don’t, I cant persevere or enjoy working there.

One rather admirable quality of mine (*nicely puts Humble in the corner for a sec*) is a practical and pro-active approach to problems and life in general. If I don’t like something, I strive to change it. I’m not the kind of person who wallows in sorrow or resigns herself to an undesirable fate. So in that spirit, I submitted some applications to a few ‘reputable’ companies. I like starting from the top you see. If I don’t fare well in there, then I know I need to take it down a notch and so on and so forth. It’s never been a natural inclination to start at the bottom and work my way up (I like to call it innate self-confidence heh).

Luckily for me, I’ve had positive feedback from 2/3 companies and one is still hard at deliberation. I suppose it doesn’t really matter at this point, because I’ve already received an offer from one of the two companies. An offer that’s made me ecstatic, overjoyed and over the moon! It didn’t come easy, not after a grueling application process, followed up by a telephone interview and a whole day of assessments. I’ve been unfortunate enough to attend two of these ‘assessment days’ in my job-hunting ventures. They usually comprise a gazillion dim-witted tests ranging from logical/numerical reasoning to technical assessment and more stupid exercises like an impromptu presentation on why they should hire you and atleast two more interviews! Awfully intimidating, headache-inducing and loose-the-will-2-carry-on stuff. As you can surmise, I’m really glad that’s behind me

InshaAllah, the plan is to start at the end of next month and I should have a week in-between jobs. How to spend that week is the only majorly mind consuming thing on my plate right now. How blissful and carefree does that sound? *smirks*

My current managers aren’t in the know of my intention to leave yet. That will be this Monday’s to-do. I think (or like to think) they will be a bit saddened and I’m sure they will feel very inconvenienced at the prospect of having to find a replacement. I’ll definitely miss my very pleasant yet obstinately swearing co-workers. It’s the way of the engineers, they say (swearing i.e.).

But hey, change is good and I’m a mercenary. Cant be faulted for that, can I?

On board The Moving Train

I’ve decided to move too. Blogger’s bland looking templates are not motivating me to write.

So I hope WordPress fares better.

Tagged – Q & A’s

I thought I would give Firefly long list of intrusive past and present Q’s a go. I’ve had to delete her answers immediately, think of something completely unrelated and then get back to them. See, we think alike and I don’t want her answers clouding mine.

Here goes.

When were you happiest?

Winning the ‘Best Student of the Year’ award in year 12. That whole celebratory three months after school and before university.

What is your greatest fear?

Dying before I’m ready to meet my maker, before I’ve made amends, before my parents and having to put them through the pain of seeing more of their kids go before them.

What is your earliest memory?

Playing in my parent’s bedroom with my dad and brother, sometime in Baidao‘85.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I would be lying if I pointed anything out. I love myself, completely and utterly. And I strive to change that which I don’t like (and I can)

What would your super power be?

Mind-Reader

What makes you depressed?

That feeling of helplessness, when things are out of my control.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I wish I was a little bit taller

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Dishonesty.

Aside from a property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

Erm…Clearly this little survey was geared towards middle class white people. I dont have property, so the furniture in my room? My computer? I don’t own anything of significant monetary value.

What is your most treasured possession?

Photographs. Lots and Lots of photographs of my family and friends.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Christina Aguilera… just tanned.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Sleeping while I know chores await and if I keep sleeping, someone will get to them.

What do you owe your parents?

What don’t I owe them? Everything

What is the worst job you’ve ever done?

I’ve never had a terrible job. Again, something I owe my parents.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

Not getting hired my KPMG/Accenture! Specially since they both dropped me in stage 3!

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

At this point and time, I don’t have any desire to meet famous people or ask pseudo-intellectual questions, the answers to which I probably don’t care or bore me to death. I would be happy to dine with anyone with a good sense of humour and lots of funny stories.

What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you?

Nothing I can recall. I haven’t met that many people who said nasty things to me. Led a sheltered life.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

No one really. I apologise without hesitation to those I need to and never to those that don’t deserve it

What does love feel like?

Like you’re on top of the world and nothing could hurt you. Like the possibilities are endless. Like you’ve found yourself, just in another person

Which living person do you most despise, and why?

No-one. Honest. I’ve no hate in my heart

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I add ‘really’ to most sentences – stressing my ultimate honestly.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I would not put myself in a situation where I let someone down.

When did you last cry, and why?

When I got a terrible headache in November. I was afraid I might have to go back into hospital to get rid of it.

What is the closest you’ve ever come to death?

Very close. I almost died last august from a ruptured Aneurysm.

How do you relax?

Get under my double duvet and watch telly from bed.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

Warmer weather and a chauffeur (yes, I’m aware I’ve mentioned more than one… but cant have one without the other!)

What keeps you awake at night?

Not fulfilling my goals here and the hereafter. How I’m constantly loosing track of one or the other.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

There will be no singing or tears in my funeral, just lots of dua and good memories (hopefully).

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

You’ve gotta go after what you want.

Where would you most like to be right now?

In a tall building over-looking the Singapore Skyline.

A smile a day…

‘Hey, do you think I look nice with this masar? I’ve been wearing it for convenience a lot lately’, I ask, standing in front of a full length mirror, admiring the vibrant colour of my masar and being thankful that I could find deep purple.

‘No, your head looks like a bulb’, she retorts. She is my younger sister.

I gasp at how mean she is and contorting my face in an annoyed manner, utter ‘what?’

‘It does. Your head looks big here’, she gets up, towers over me and draws an imaginary circle over head and points out that my face narrows as you move down and putting a scarf on my head makes the upper deck look even bigger.

I’m horror-struck at the disclosure. Maybe she isn’t just saying this to be horrible. Maybe I really am a typical Somali with a multi-dimensional head. Oh the disbelief! I look at the mirror some more.

Seeing how distressed this is making me, she continues, ‘Tyra Banks has a bulb-shaped head and a big forehead like you. So don’t worry, your future is really bright’. She said that seriously and followed it up with an evil chuckle.

I was ready to screech obscenities at her until the ‘bright’ bit sunk in. That wiped the grimace off my face and made me smile.

My little sister hardly says a pleasant thing, but she sure as hell knows how to cover her tracks with her wit.

After that, we got ready to go and see ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ – with my purple scarf on.

Good movie by the way.

Half Hysterical, Half Angry

I’ve been the victim of online theft. I was looking at my credit card details online earlier and couldn’t figure out why for the life of me I was 300 pounds in debt when I had paid off everything 5 days ago. 225 pounds spent on Argos home shopping. Huh? I didn’t buy anything from Argos online! Ever. 55 pounds from Sky shop. Huh? What is THAT? I don’t even have SKY, I’m a Telewest customer.

So I called my bank and went through this painful process of ruling out all my family members as possible suspects and clarifying over and over again that it wasn’t me and I didn’t forget or have memory lapses!

After that, I still had to call Argos and SKY and make sure that the items delivered were not to my address and under my name (they wouldn’t tell me who they were delivered to, where or what – screw Data Protection and all that crap designed to protect criminals. How convoluted the system is really makes me edgy!). Followed by another excruciating return call and complaint to the heavily accented guy at the bank.

Honestly, why me? I don’t even have that great of a credit limit.

Public Transport Harassment

Last night, on my way from work, I had a bit of a bizarre experience on the train. Yes, even more bizarre than being asked to pay a shady fare for a shitty ride. Ok, maybe it isn’t so bizarre as I’m on London Transport after all. In any case, public transport has become the bane of my life and could potentially be my demise.

It was late, around 9:30pm and I had just returned from a late shift (on a Friday!) and was sitting by myself in a compartment with barely three other people, minding my own business and simultaneously reading Lite and Metro. The train for some weird reason, docked in one of the stations longer than it should have – approximately 15mins. So I looked out the window after a bit, wondering if I was expected to change trains because this one had given up on us half way through its journey (something very typical of London trains). But there were no announcements and I noticed no-one else had gotten off. Inspired with the confidence that I had even more time to read all my papers, I went back to reading.

Three mins on and I noticed a dark shadow standing over me, looking at my paper through the window and trying to get my attention. I turned around to find a Somali boy … possibly aged 16, 17 at the most. He was saying something to me but I really couldn’t be bothered to figure it out through the glass window. I looked around to notice he wasn’t alone on the platform but was accompanied by his posse of mindless, aimless, wandering 16yrs old buds.

Not wanting to get all their focus on me, I gestured him to go away with my hand and went back to reading my newspapers. Not a minute had passed when he started to violently knock on the window and hurl abuse at me (I could tell it was abuse, although I couldn’t hear a thing). Taken back by his reaction, I looked at him with a puzzled face. That seemed to get him even angrier and by now I could tell he was threatening to come in and beat me up. Honestly, for a sec, I was scared. There is no one more irrational than a violent teenager. So I composed myself and looked away. I turned back a few seconds later to notice that all 16 of his friends were holding him back from entering my train (and…).

As I sat watching with a bit of mesmerized look the fiasco outside my window, the doors of my train locked and we were set to move. I did think about aggravating the little sucker with a middle finger salute (especially now that I was safe ), but decided to be an adult about it.

Today, my grievance is not with the London transport, but with the parents of these little hood-rats who let them out at ungodly hours in the night, abusing poor, tired, xalimos like myself. I plea with Somali parents to instil some self-respect and respect for the sisters. This outrageous behaviour stems from the fact that a lot of these boys are raised to think their sister’s are their pawns and they can get away with doing anything they want with them, hence explaining why they feel they have the right to do that to other girls too.

Honestly, I’m so enraged that a little farah thinks he has the right in uu ii booteeyo and harass me just because I’m Somali. I’m certain this wouldn’t have happened to a white girl. I just don’t get the mentality. You’d think, being in a foreign country, that your own countrymen would look out for you and treat you well. But with silly Somali boys, its always them a girl has to watch out for. Whether they are offending you in a public Somali gathering because you’ve refused to look their way or just making you super uncomfortable at a bus-stop, in the bus…heck, as long as you’re not under your mother’s skirt, you’re fair game to them. I don’t just take from my personal experience here but those of my sister and her friends who go to college with teenage Somali boys. I’ve always thought they exaggerate the completely disgraceful and abusive stuff these boys get upto at the expense of the girls. But this experience has proved to me that a girl just has to be present to serve as an outlet for their adolescent frustrations.

Saqajaamiin fooqal saqajaamiin.

London Transport: F U

I’m angry.

No, furious is the word.

Actually, I feel like pushing a certain bus driver off a cliff.

Did you guys know that the bus and train fares have gone up? Again. No, the 3rd time in the last 2.5yrs! Well, I bet you did if you live in London and you’re more aware than I am.

I was aghast this morning when the bus driver declined my £1.5 and asked for £2. Amazing. Two pounds for bus fare people. Two pounds. I can’t get my head around why I’m expected to pay two whole pounds for a stupid bus that takes me a couple of miles. I remember it was 75p three years ago and nothing has changed. Atleast nothing I can see with my naked eye. The buses are still dirty, always late, dingy little shit-holes. Quite frankly, the only difference I see is that I’m paying more. I wasn’t prepared for another escalation in prices and no fucking visible improvements in transport and so haggled my bag for a 50p coin. I didn’t find any, just a £20 pound note, which the driver refused to accept and asked me to get off the bus. Can you believe that? I was tossed to the biting wind and cold. One thing is for sure, the rise in fares doesn’t come with better customer service, let alone humane decency.

Extortion isn’t even the word for this shit, its daylight robbery coupled with a big, fat ‘fuck u sucker’!

*Takes a deep breather*

I’m sure in some strange, divine inspired way, all this is designed to make me get a car. I’m sure.

If not, I need to move somewhere things make sense?

And so 2006 went …

As customary, every year I like to wrap up the year with a review of the concluding year – highs and lows, key points and milestones. But since I’ve made enough updates this year, I decided it would be more worthwhile to briefly reflect on lessons learned rather than highlighting events.

So what’s this year been like? A definite roller coaster of emotions. I’ve felt stressed, elated, sad, slightly depressed, grateful, happy, disappointed… in that order

There is no substitute for hard work. Einstein wasn’t kidding when he said, “genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration”. I’ve always been the type to do things at the very last minute. Strive on the adrenaline rush. Get inspired under pressure. But boy! Does that involve a lot of overestimating yourself? I’ve certainly learned that the hard way. I find that with new situations in life, I can rely only so much on my natural instincts to cope with deadlines and pressure and more on being prepared.

Health is wealth is an understatement. Health is everything. One minute you’re at death’s door then the next bouncing around as if nothing’s happened and there’s’ no bandages or outside indication of anything having happened. Amazingly the whole experience mid-year has now changed my outlook and me and I’m a lot happier and feel more in control of my life than I did before.

I’ve had my patience increase a ten-fold in the span of the last six months. In the end, I’ve come to the conclusion that patience maybe a great virtue to have and good things may come to those who wait, but time and tide wait for no man and one shouldn’t let the grass grow under their feet!

I cant say, I’m not glad to see the end of 2006. Its been a long and difficult year. I hope 2007 is better. I pray 2007 brings in even more (preferably pleasant) revelations about life and myself. InshaAllah.

p.s. I’m sure a lot of the above makes little sense to the readers. But it does to me and sometimes, one must write for their sole reading pleasure.

Ciid Wanaagsan and Happy New Year Everyone!

Odds and Ends..

My blog looks lackluster and uninspired compared to all the other people in this interesting community and I should do something more than changing the template to schussh(sp?) things up, but what?

Screen Shopper

Have you ever thought people who window-shop were pathetic individuals who had too much time on their hands? Well, meet me – the screen shopper. I always find myself going through the catalogue of online stores and even putting stuff in the ‘shopping basket’, yet not making a purchase (well, atleast not of 95% of the time). Whats the point, I hear you ask? I don’t know, maybe I just like knowing they are a finger click away (literally no less!).

Work

I’ve settled into work and my sleep has returned to normal. Anxious wake-up-calls in my head are giving me some rest. Alhamdulilah.

Now that I’m comfortable, I think its time to do some networking. Open up a little. Talk to senior managers. Hold appropriate informal chats and seem really enthusiastic and interested in a career with the company. I’m eager to get on the graduate scheme. It’s the fastest track to becoming a manager (in 1.5yrs) and getting paid some good money. However, this will mean having to downgrade my current salary by atleast 3-4grand! It’s a difficult choice – stay with the money and get stuck in a technical role I’ve no interest in or take the harder and more arduous route of the graduate scheme and reap the benefits later? Delayed gratification is so not my thing.

Health

I’m sure you’re all very caring people and are very keen to know how I’m doing. Well, I’ve had for my 5-week post-op review last week (which was supposed to have happened 6 weeks prior!) and my doctor was very pleased to know I work and I’m doing very well. She also said I was fit enough to resume jogging/exercising if I pleased. Although personally I’m still too shaky for that! I then went to the ward I was admitted in to meet with the nurses and thank them for all their help. There is no harder and more rewarding role than nursing really. They are expected to do 12hr shifts and tend to so many people whose lives hang in their hands. I’ve nothing but admiration for those girls and all nurses now. God bless them!

Showing some ‘Love’

It occurred to me that we all have different definition for what is means to show love. To me, showing love to my sisters/parents/friends has always meant buying them something. I upset them, I buy them a present. I want to tell them I love them, I order them or take them to a fantastic dinner. Basically spend a little. I don’t know why I see this as the only way, because I could do other things like cooking/cleaning/spending time with them/being considerate, but those things are such a pain/nuisance to me that it would upset the balance – both parties feelings good about the act.

So it set me thinking, am I buying everyone’s love?